This was a weird, mixed reading experience for me. It’s a short book and it’s good – it had me locked in really quickly and I was finished after a few nights. But it was an uneasy read.
Firstly, it focuses on awkward family relationships and the emotions these stir over years and decades. I imagine that parts of it are relatable to many readers; that was certainly true for me. Secondly I read it while my elderly uncle was having a rough time in hospital, with the strong chance he wouldn’t make it out. I was spending time with him, mum and dad in that context which I guess has beneath-the-surface effects while you’re trying to maintain a brave face. As it happened, I finished the book the night before he passed away.
I found it interesting how as the book progresses it shifts your opinion of the narrator, Bridget. Initially as she recounts her relationship with her mum, Hen, you feel that while they often rub each other up the wrong way, it’s fairly typical intergenerational and parent-child tension. There’s wry humour and it feels harmless. Her father, meanwhile, was a boor and her exasperation at his previous behaviour is entirely warranted.
Later, we learn how Bridget has shut Hen out of important parts of her life. She lacks empathy for her mum’s needs and state of mind. Rather than seeing Hen’s foibles and loving her regardless, she only tolerates and humours her.
Bridget’s relationship with her sister, Michelle, is also cold. It seems Michelle tries better to understand Hen and takes more responsibility to maintain a good relationship with her. The sisters are not on the same page and their interactions are infrequent and terse.
Our relationships with our parents and siblings can at times be awkward, and can go through ups and downs. I’ve experienced this and there are times when, on reflection, I wished I’d acted differently. The book led me to reflect on this. Happily, my immediate family’s interrelationships are on the whole good. We too have rubbed each other up the wrong way at times, but unlike Bridget and Hen we understand each others’ foibles and accept them, even laugh about them.
I’ve also known other, more strained relationships in wider family circles. It’s all too easy for things to drift and go awry.
Loads to think about after reading this one. I think it will stick with me for a while.
Thanks to Anna for the recommendation.